Dear Holly,
Ok, so I have this problem with tigers. I mean Im not trying to be racist or anything, but every time I see them I think they want to eat me. I can't keep living in fear like this, I can't take seeing them and thinking theese thoughts, but after one of them ate my friend jimmy, I just cant help it. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Tigers make me go weeee!
(NOW MY REPLY)
Dear Tiger-o-unracialphobia,
Okay, every time you see a Tiger, think of warm and fuzzy Moments. Like, hot buttery sex (just not with the Tiger), or even grabbing it and cuddling it like a fuzzy fuzzy bun bun (don't do that either or it might eat your face off). Maybe if you think of a happy place, winning in Vegas, getting a clean hooker, instead of blood and guts and darkness and getting ate by a Tiger, then you could become at peace with being around hundreds of pound cats that see you as a piece of tasty meat.
Sincerely,
concerned friend, Holly
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